Blog - Writing Beneath the Red CAP

Writing 'Beneath the Red Cap' wasn't something I'd initially thought about or even planned. I never thought of myself as an author, or even good at writing, I was just a working class Northerner. However, the book was a necessary personal lifeline thrown during one of the most challenging periods of my life.

When I left the Armed Forces, particularly after my deployments to Kosovo and Iraq, I carried with me memories and experiences that refused to fade quietly. Moments I'd lived through, things I'd seen, and difficult decisions I'd made often returned uninvited, haunting me at unexpected times. Civilian life felt alien, and finding meaningful work, something that inspired and challenged me, became increasingly difficult. To complicate matters further, my departure from the regular forces came just before the COVID-19 pandemic struck, deepening feelings of isolation and uncertainty.

In those dark and disorienting moments, my wife suggested I write. Initially, I resisted, unsure of whether putting those memories on paper would help or hurt. Eventually, driven by desperation and curiosity, I began. I started by documenting my hardest days first, the jarring return to civilian life, the loneliness of isolation from my fiancée and my dad, and the raw emotional upheaval of those initial months out of uniform. Surprisingly, writing became therapeutic. Each word, each paragraph, was a weight lifted from my shoulders.

As the pages accumulated, something remarkable happened, I started to regain control over my narrative. But around chapter 17, I reached a crossroads. I'd said enough, healed enough, and the urgency that drove me initially had subsided. At this point, I felt genuinely ready to abandon the project, convinced the act of writing had already fulfilled its purpose.

My wife, however, saw something different. She recognised that this wasn't just my story, it was something that might resonate with countless others struggling silently, just like me. Relentlessly, she encouraged, persuaded, and gently pushed until I finally completed 'Beneath the Red Cap.' The memoir, published in August 2024.

I dedicated the book to those who mattered most: my wife and child, whose love and patience kept me grounded; my mother, who passed away early and never witnessed me completing my military service; and to comrades who made the ultimate sacrifice, whose memories I carry with me always.

My sincere hope for 'Beneath the Red Cap' is simple yet profound, that anyone leaving military life and struggling to find their footing might read it and understand they're not alone. For me, it’s more than a memoir; it’s a beacon of hope for a better life, a new chapter, and hopefully, a source of comfort for those navigating similar journeys.